I feel scared in New Delhi. The nights scare me. Walking in the dark scares me. Standing in the dark scares me.
I suspect every man in the car who looks at me while taking a turn. I don't want to believe he is looking at the road. I increase my pace when a see a group of men, maybe harmless. I watch my back after every step I take. I feel restless till I find a place with a big family buying ice cream. Soon I realize, they won't help me if someone tried to harm me. No one helps anyone in this city. No one can trust anyone.
A man lying injured on the road could actually have with a gun. A truck driver asking for instructions could abduct me. A cool looking basement cafe could be a trap. You can't get mobile reception there and who would be able to trace you.
I always thought I was safe if I were with a man I trusted but now I know he will be powerless when we are surrounded by a group. I only breathe a sigh of relief when I reach my house, lock it and see my parents around. Sometimes I feel it is better to not go out.
But why shouldn't I? I am a citizen with equal rights and I fulfill all my duties. I work hard during the day like a man does. I pay taxes and all my bills. I am an adult. Then why is it that women should either hide or just protest for their safety?
Everyone is happy till they are safe. Protests turn into branding exercises of celebrities and fade out.
What hurts me the most is that there are actually some women who discourage other women from standing up for their rights. We should first be strong and be equal. We should fight for equality in every situation we are in and not surrender thinking it is too small an issue to raise a fight for.
We deserve to be out at any hour we want to be without bodyguards. We deserve to wear what we like. We deserve every opportunity that comes our way and we need to realize that.
I don't want to hide and feel safe. I just want to have a good time without constantly worrying about my safety.
